What's that with the time?
When needing to go to the toilet, only to find it occupied, two minutes seems like an eternity.
When waiting for the microwave to finish, 20 seconds seems to last forever.
When looking back at my youngest boy being 11 months old tomorrow, I wonder where I've lost all this time!
Time drags on, time flies, all at the same time!
Time is only relative. It totally depends on our mental state, on our feelings, on what keeps us occupied...
We're in the middle of creating a new family member. Whereas the weeks are flying by in the blink of an eye, once I started looking into my cycle again, noting down changes in cervix and discharge, time just started to pass ever so slowly... The wait between ovulation and the moment your menstruation is about to start: TEST TIME seems to never come!
And then it does and what's that in the test window? 1 line and 1 line only... but still no 'aunt visiting', no red flag, no sign whatsoever.
This uncertainty is mind-boggling!
Even though we've got 2 healthy boys to keep us entertained, the suspense in trying for an #3 (Team pink this time please!) is ever so noticeable...
Why can't things just be clear, black and white, yes or no, pregnant or menstruation!
Then there's some cervical mucus that would just about make me think my egg's about to pop - which it most likely did 2 weeks ago, so what's going on then?
As you see, just questions and no answers, nothing, zero, nada...
I'm at a loss, c'mon time, just hurry up and give us a sign! Better: give us an answer!
Pretty please?
Friday, 18 April 2014
Thursday, 10 April 2014
10 April 2014 - Any mental health issues?
During the very first meeting with my midwife, I was asked this question.
"NO, nothing..."
Well, my kids made me realise recently, the answer to this question should have been "yes".
For I suffer from Trichotillomania...
Well, to call it SUFFER is quite an overstatement if there is such a thing.
Fact remains, it's a silly bad habit I've been having for the last 20 odd years!
What is it?
Mainly it's pulling hairs. This could be any sort of hair, on any part of the body. Often it goes together with skin picking, another tick for me!
For a long time I've thought it just 'runs in the family', my mom being a habitual skin picker, whenever sunken in thought, there's a hand up near her face/hair/neck, scratching, picking etc...
Recently I read a post from a friend asking about this habit of her little girl plucking her eyebrow hair when dozing off to sleep. Also one of my own boys when upset, his hands are always like claws on his face or in his hair. He might be copying his mom, I thought!
For as long as I can remember, I've been stuffing piles of hair out of sight. Hairs under my desk, under the table, next to the couch. Thinking back I must have been only just in highschool when it started.
Right hand holding a pen, a book, a phone, left hand up and in my hair. My long hair used to curl slightly and winding hair around your finger is quite soothing when the book you're reading is really scary, or the essay you're writing asks for a lot of thinking: what next?
Not sure what exactly made me start pulling my hair, but it's always been on the same 2 spots, halfway up my head on the left side. Nicely covered by wearing my hair in a pony tail at all times. But even when I have it down occasionally, I can make sure it's covered well. Yes, there is a bald spot.
In the last 5 years the pulling changed a little, it's more like a hunt for greys now. For some reason there's a very satisfied feeling to plucking out 2 hairs at once, 1 white and 1 black. My hair isn't black, but the short hair that grows in the bald spot looks really dark or completely white.
2 years ago I started to learn how to crochet. That's right, keeping 2 hands occupied! Before I knew it, it had taken up enough time for the lower spot to re-grow to more than an inch of hair and when I gave up on crocheting during summer, I managed to leave the lower spot alone completely.
I haven't been to the hairdressers since I was a little girl. My mom used to be my hair dresser, needless to say when I started pulling my hair, my mom wasn't allowed to cut my hair anymore. Was I ashamed of my hair pulling? Yes, and I still am. Have I talked to anyone about this? No, definitely not. I reckon if I tried hard enough, I'd be able to stop the hair pulling all by myself. But like I wrote earlier, it's only recently occured to me it could be a mental health issue. Call it a nervous tick. Call it what you like. It's my secret. No-one knows about it. Except you. Until today.
And to think I'm not alone, according to the link below, there are millions like me, like us!
Trichotillomania link
"NO, nothing..."
Well, my kids made me realise recently, the answer to this question should have been "yes".
For I suffer from Trichotillomania...
Well, to call it SUFFER is quite an overstatement if there is such a thing.
Fact remains, it's a silly bad habit I've been having for the last 20 odd years!
What is it?
Mainly it's pulling hairs. This could be any sort of hair, on any part of the body. Often it goes together with skin picking, another tick for me!
For a long time I've thought it just 'runs in the family', my mom being a habitual skin picker, whenever sunken in thought, there's a hand up near her face/hair/neck, scratching, picking etc...
Recently I read a post from a friend asking about this habit of her little girl plucking her eyebrow hair when dozing off to sleep. Also one of my own boys when upset, his hands are always like claws on his face or in his hair. He might be copying his mom, I thought!
For as long as I can remember, I've been stuffing piles of hair out of sight. Hairs under my desk, under the table, next to the couch. Thinking back I must have been only just in highschool when it started.
Right hand holding a pen, a book, a phone, left hand up and in my hair. My long hair used to curl slightly and winding hair around your finger is quite soothing when the book you're reading is really scary, or the essay you're writing asks for a lot of thinking: what next?
Not sure what exactly made me start pulling my hair, but it's always been on the same 2 spots, halfway up my head on the left side. Nicely covered by wearing my hair in a pony tail at all times. But even when I have it down occasionally, I can make sure it's covered well. Yes, there is a bald spot.
In the last 5 years the pulling changed a little, it's more like a hunt for greys now. For some reason there's a very satisfied feeling to plucking out 2 hairs at once, 1 white and 1 black. My hair isn't black, but the short hair that grows in the bald spot looks really dark or completely white.
2 years ago I started to learn how to crochet. That's right, keeping 2 hands occupied! Before I knew it, it had taken up enough time for the lower spot to re-grow to more than an inch of hair and when I gave up on crocheting during summer, I managed to leave the lower spot alone completely.
I haven't been to the hairdressers since I was a little girl. My mom used to be my hair dresser, needless to say when I started pulling my hair, my mom wasn't allowed to cut my hair anymore. Was I ashamed of my hair pulling? Yes, and I still am. Have I talked to anyone about this? No, definitely not. I reckon if I tried hard enough, I'd be able to stop the hair pulling all by myself. But like I wrote earlier, it's only recently occured to me it could be a mental health issue. Call it a nervous tick. Call it what you like. It's my secret. No-one knows about it. Except you. Until today.
And to think I'm not alone, according to the link below, there are millions like me, like us!
Trichotillomania link
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