During the very first meeting with my midwife, I was asked this question.
"NO, nothing..."
Well, my kids made me realise recently, the answer to this question should have been "yes".
For I suffer from Trichotillomania...
Well, to call it SUFFER is quite an overstatement if there is such a thing.
Fact remains, it's a silly bad habit I've been having for the last 20 odd years!
What is it?
Mainly it's pulling hairs. This could be any sort of hair, on any part of the body. Often it goes together with skin picking, another tick for me!
For a long time I've thought it just 'runs in the family', my mom being a habitual skin picker, whenever sunken in thought, there's a hand up near her face/hair/neck, scratching, picking etc...
Recently I read a post from a friend asking about this habit of her little girl plucking her eyebrow hair when dozing off to sleep. Also one of my own boys when upset, his hands are always like claws on his face or in his hair. He might be copying his mom, I thought!
For as long as I can remember, I've been stuffing piles of hair out of sight. Hairs under my desk, under the table, next to the couch. Thinking back I must have been only just in highschool when it started.
Right hand holding a pen, a book, a phone, left hand up and in my hair. My long hair used to curl slightly and winding hair around your finger is quite soothing when the book you're reading is really scary, or the essay you're writing asks for a lot of thinking: what next?
Not sure what exactly made me start pulling my hair, but it's always been on the same 2 spots, halfway up my head on the left side. Nicely covered by wearing my hair in a pony tail at all times. But even when I have it down occasionally, I can make sure it's covered well. Yes, there is a bald spot.
In the last 5 years the pulling changed a little, it's more like a hunt for greys now. For some reason there's a very satisfied feeling to plucking out 2 hairs at once, 1 white and 1 black. My hair isn't black, but the short hair that grows in the bald spot looks really dark or completely white.
2 years ago I started to learn how to crochet. That's right, keeping 2 hands occupied! Before I knew it, it had taken up enough time for the lower spot to re-grow to more than an inch of hair and when I gave up on crocheting during summer, I managed to leave the lower spot alone completely.
I haven't been to the hairdressers since I was a little girl. My mom used to be my hair dresser, needless to say when I started pulling my hair, my mom wasn't allowed to cut my hair anymore. Was I ashamed of my hair pulling? Yes, and I still am. Have I talked to anyone about this? No, definitely not. I reckon if I tried hard enough, I'd be able to stop the hair pulling all by myself. But like I wrote earlier, it's only recently occured to me it could be a mental health issue. Call it a nervous tick. Call it what you like. It's my secret. No-one knows about it. Except you. Until today.
And to think I'm not alone, according to the link below, there are millions like me, like us!
Trichotillomania link
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